Changes, trying this life thing out…

Life is a funny thing hey. It is equally tangible and intangible, and I suppose that is what makes it so awesome. One things for sure about life, is that it is meant to be lived. The irony though is that you can actually get through life by doing absolutely nothing. In other words you let life happen to you, by simply doing the bare minimum to survive.

Unfortunately I’m not that type of person. I’m not an over-achiever although some of my friends would disagree, however I do try to make my presence felt in this thing called life. It changes so often that its hard not to find it overwhelming. It’s actually quite amazing how humans are so adaptable to how life flows, for the most part that is.

2015 is in full swing and a quarter way through. I have many things on my to-do list and I have tick off arguably the biggest two. For one after many moons and tons of procrastination, I have returned to school. Oh my! I was last in school exactly ten years ago (wow I feel so old saying that) and I must be honest it was a scary decision. I’m in it now and thoroughly enjoying it. I had forgotten how much I loved learning. You see I’m not the self learning correspondence type. I am not wired like that, I need people around me. In any-case it’s amazing how much mileage you can clock in the life thing, yet still be completely unaware of how rapidly it changes. School reminds me of the significance of that daily.

It is a true exercise in juggling time management, a full day of work, 3 hours of lectures 3x a week and an assignment I’ve been trying to start. You see I work for a radio station in the marketing department doing events, which means I sometimes work weird hours. It’s during those times that I am reminded about my choice, the decision I made to change and better myself. Like a friend always says “Growing up ain’t for kids” no truer words have been said. That said though this is the best decision I’ve taken in a long while.

As a result of this decision, and a few others I made another major one. I’ve moved back home to my mom’s. This after having lived with my sister for awhile, then moving out to living on my own. I am now back in the nest, and it feels very weird. So weird that I’m struggling to sleep, which if you know me NEVER happens. See I’m a sleeper, and firm believer in naps frequently.

In any case after the moving and trying to settle back in to being under someone else’s roof, its the joy in my mother’s face that made this decision an easy one. I suppose the universe kind of nudged us both in this direction. My mom went from a full house with 3 boys and me, to living by herself and settling for the weekend visits. It got lonely and also became a safety issue. With the numerous attempted break-ins, and the last straw was when they tried to get in when she was at home alone in bed.

I get to try again at this life thing, help myself and help my mom. So it isn’t so bad after all. I feel safe and secure in both the decisions I took. Now to tackle a few more items on the list.

Happy is me.

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Cleaning out my closet

Happy Spring Day, today is the 1st day of September. The beginning of spring, and most importantly my birthday month. The 1st of the rest of my life.

In 22 days time I will have my muchness and much more back. I will have a genuine smile on my face, and inner peace. I’m ready to get my happiness back.

These words are for you

Dear you,
On days like this I genuinely miss you. Then I get sad because it seems as if we’ve grown apart. I miss us.

I miss the silly conversations about absolutely nothing and the occasional chats that were about something. I miss the random missed called just because I crossed your mind.

I miss hanging out with you listening to music, because you love it so much. I miss the way you always looked right into my eyes when I spoke to you.

I miss the small things, and the equally big that we did.

I miss us.

I miss your laugh, smile and they way you fussed about how you look.

I think we missed the bus; we’ve drifted so far apart that I’m not sure you’d remember me. Strange feeling that, but I’m sitting here hoping that maybe one day we can pick up where we left off.

I miss it all.

I wonder if you sometimes miss it too? Do you miss the anticipation of when next we’d see each other? Do you miss us?

Do you ever think about what could have been? I guess it maybe too late now, and I should let sleeping dogs lie.

….I miss you and that’s okay.

Just for control, nje…

It is interesting how self-absorbed we are as human beings. Without fail we always find a way to make everything about us, even if it not when it is not remotely about you. I too am guilty of this behaviour, so this is not a random rant about all those other people out there.

It’s in our nature to want to have people love us and pay attention to us. A factory fault that no one has ever bothered to report I guess. So yesterday whilst chilling the office ranting about useless things with some of my colleagues, I made a chirp to one of them about a guy she is or was after. Not too sure where she stand on this at the present moment. Anyway J was telling me how she wished she wasnt so prudish, which was in response to me stating that I felt like make out. I really did just feeling like making out with a good-looking guy that knows how to kiss. You see kissing is one of my favourite past times. It’s fun and sensual, it makes a part of me feel very alive.

So the mission was set and the clock was nowhere near 4pm, so I decided to cast my line out there and hoped that my preferred conquest would take the bait. Alas the prey didn’t feel like being hunted so rather than leave with my proverbial tail between my cute legs, I hatched a plan B.

Yes one must always have at least 3 plan when plotting to take over the world one pink lipstick stained kiss at a time. Plan B was relatively easier considering that he has been asking me to grace him with my presence. Despite my better judgement I picked up the phone and enquired if plan B was still at work. You see we work a short distance from each other and his work place is actually on one of my many routes home.  Deep inside I was hoping that he wouldn’t answer so that I could avoid the preceding emotions, but we know that life doesn’t always work our way. “Enter trip and ride em” mode

So I took my cute self to his office for a polite catch up especially since I was on my way home anyway. * please tell me you see through my untruths*  Freshened up my face and walked into his office.  Oh but he is a beautiful specimen that plan B, dimples and the cutest freckles ever.  Sat through interesting and equally useless chit-chat about life.  All the while I was having this really intense debate with myself about why I was there, how I’m complicating an already complicated situation. I got over myself swiftly when the opportunity to make out presented itself.

Like I said before I really like kissing. I was there and so was he, and what was a girl to do? I did what any self-respecting self-absorbed human being with another human being that has really wanted to kiss her for what seem like eternity. Yep you guess it, I relieved him of his misery and pucker away my pink lipstick.  In hindsight I should have just gone home, but then where is the fun in that.

Oh well!!!

Till we meet again. Love and lots of pink stained kisses.

Dear future boyfriend

Future Boyfriend

Dear future boyfriend

I’m writing to you today, in this moment in hopes that some day soon we’ll get the pleasure of meeting each other. It’s also a chance for me to tell you how awesome you are and that we’re pretty cool together.

I haven’t met you yet, but I know that I really like you already. You must be wondering how I can speak with such confidence considering we’ve never met. Well that’s because I just know…

Well I’d like to take this time to tell you a few things about myself, just so you’re ready when we finally meet. So perhaps let me start with the basics, you know “what’s my name etc…

My name, (which you already know) but for the sake of formality is Nonhlanhla Karabo Msimango.  Although most people call me either Nhlanhla or Noni, only a select few people call me Karabo.  You my dear can call me anything you like, so long as it isn’t silly. LOL

I’m a hot 27 year South African woman, I’m one of two girls and currently live in the northern suburbs of Johannesburg. Apparently I’m a short but I’m not really bothered by that, until I need to reach for something.  I’d like to think I’m funny and you might just enjoy my sense of humour.  I love pretty and delicate things, but that doesn’t mean I’m a softie. Okay maybe a little one.

I could go on and on about the things that make me happy, but then that wouldn’t leave much for you to discover.  There are some important things I should point out, that make me just who I am.  I am perfectly imperfect and I love myself that way.  You should probably also know that I have an addiction for lingerie. Nothing can lift your spirit like ice cream and a hot pair of undies. Music forms a very big part of my life and I’m a hip hop head of note.  I also think it is very important that I point out that I have a music obsession with Drake.  Given the chance I’d marry him and his rhythms, but they have to come together.  So don’t be too alarmed if I ignore you a little bit should he come my way.

Audrey Drake Graham

I hope I haven’t bombarded you with too much. This is just a bit about me and I can’t wait to get to know you more.  I’m really not after much but I do want to be happy.  Secretly wishing to you’ll let me love you. I live for long and insightful conversations, Saturday mornings in your t-shirt eating cereal and watch the Disney channel.

The awkward moments after an argument and the little things that come with being your girlfriend. I presume there is more in a resume’ that you’d like to check out, but I’ll wait for your response to this letter.

My heart is in my hand

Yours faithfully

The future girlfriend/confidante/buddy for life

The truth about it all

The Truth by Henry FrankfurtYou see the truth about it all, is that like everyone else I dream big. I dream of being wealthy, and sometimes I want to be famous. In all honesty though, the truth of it all is that I just want to be appreciated.

You see the truth, is like everyone world over, I’m going to struggle with a few life decisions and perhaps may have regrets about some of them. In truth though I will have probably made the best decision, and in hindsight will only realise it much later.

I’ve been heartbroken, and I’ve done my fair share of heartbreaking. Although the truth is it sucks, irrespective of which side of the fence you are on.

The truth is that despite this fact of life, I’m still a fan of love and wish to be blissfully in love again. In the same breath though, the truth is I’m petrified of having my heart-broken again.

The truth is some days are absolutely brilliant, you know the type that you want to share with the world. The truth is that you’ll also encounter very dark and depressing days, the ones where you want to dig a giant hole for.

As life would have it, either way you always make it out alive. The truth is sometimes you don’t want to be part of this crazy world but you know you can’t live without it.

Perhaps one day you’ll wake up with the worlds worst hangover, actually maybe it’s universally monumental. Then the first thought is “damn that was a good night”, but the truth is that even if it was an awesome night, you very openly hate yourself.

The truth is that life happens and things are just beyond your control. In all honesty though you simply can’t sit on the bench and watch your life go by. You need to be an active participant.

The truth is as your open eyes and roll over in bed, two things might happen. It all really depends on the ending you’d like to choose. Option one: as you roll over in bed and turn to see who is laying next to you. You may just have a sneaky little smirk and think “that’s a job well done”.

Or perhaps you roll over, to turn and only regret laying in that bed. Either way, let’s admit it the truth is after all its just sex.

The truth is that one day you will be under-dressed and you’ll need to chin up, rock your outfit with pride. Let’s be honest though, you’ll be kicking yourself silly.

The truth is your mom and dad are right about a few things. They’ve been there, done that and gotten the awards for it and made you in the process.

You have to admit that the truth is, it sucks having to learn lessons the hard way. In the end you value the lesson after all.

The truth is that nothing in life is certain, that is except death and taxes. If you don’t believe me, I suggest that you watch Meet Joe Black.

The truth of all truths is, that you should be true to yourself.

P.S Truth is I really really like Drake and I don’t care what anyone else thinks